song playing: It Is Well by 4HIM
addicted to that song.

good friday. a day of remembrance of the pain, humiliation, betrayal Jesus went thru 2000 yrs ago. not just a holiday. imagine, just imagine. all that flogging, nail to flesh, thorn of crowns, spitting, betrayal by the same ppl who shouted their welcome excitedly five days ago and now chanting "crucify him!". fickle. arent we all. seek Him when we realise we need Him, forget Him when we think things are okay and we can handle them. yet He died for us. i always thought the word died is used so frequently now ("i almost died"..i know, i'm guilty of that too) that it lost the feeling of fear, of dreadfulness that, when you think of it as the end of a life, is supposed to evoke. so add to that all of the above, the suffering within and externally, the whips, the nail-pierced hands, the mockery. it amounts to so much, so much. and all endured in silence. i think of His prayer "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me. but not my will but yours be done." , the fear He must have been feeling, because He knew. He knew what He would be going thru. i find it frightening. the strength He had to go thru all that is amazing.
'Amazing love, how can it be? that You my King should die for me? Amazing love, I know it's true. and it's my joy to honour You. in all i do, i honour You.'
all honour, blessing and power be unto You, Lord.

today. dint start out good. woke exhausted, dazed, blank. our cab got hijacked, and i din notice, only after the same one we flagged drove off with a passenger, and left me wondering to my sister "isnt that...". "i'm refraining from cursing."she said curtly. got a cab, went to church. stopped by the roadside, i opened the door without looking to see if there were any cars coming and lo and behold, a grey mpv came. honked me awake. (slept at around 330am) i got out, frowned, and slammed the cab door shut. not much of a slam, considering i dint have much strength anyway. only to find that the car din budge. the driver gestured 'what the hell?' when i looked at him. (i translated it that way, considering he's probably a rude person, after what happened later.) dint pay him much attention, began to walk off. not a few steps before he wound down the window and shouted :"you could have said sorry, you know?!" i refrain from putting those in caps. sorry i almost got myself knocked down? sorry i wasnt looking, my open door could've scratched your car? sorry u almost had to pay for my hospital bills? but of course all this dint come to mind, it was yet another shock. i shouted "sorry", not yelled, but raised my voice so the fair bespectacled, plump middle-aged chinese man could hear me. i looked at him for response, cos i couldnt think of anything else i could do. looked is probably to mild, i think i glared at him. i dunno if it was a bad move, cos i'm hello, going to church. (he was not, just a passerby)(who had too much time)then his passenger window behind unwound and an old lady popped her head out, said something which i couldnt make out, and the car drove off. i reckon the man was still cursing in the car. anyway. now comes the embarrassing part. i walked off with my sister behind me, and the rain came tumbling down. oh. my. i couldn't stop. all the way thru the singing and everything, i think the tap only stopped more than half an hour later. mayb more. pretended to blow my nose and all that to reduce suspicion but you know, red eyes and a red nose is too obvious. but anyway, i shall stop here.
i think rosmosis is really in my system. gotta stop absorbing moisture from the atmosphere.

and now...i gotta do my work. i hate to do my work. but i know i have to. rarrr.
i'm fine really, just dun poke the bubble, i think i might burst. anytime.